One of the first posts I did on this site was titled 25, so the day after my 26th birthday, I feel it’s only fitting to title this one 26!
In the last year I’ve learnt a lot, more so about myself and the people around me. Slowly but surely I am realising that I am the most important person in my life which I am ashamed to say I never used to put myself first. Trying to look at the glass half full instead of half empty to take a more positive outlook on life has been the most challenging thing for me. While I try to find a zen road in life I’ve realised two things, one that life will always throw a complication at you. Two the complication will only be as big as you let it be.
I’m also ashamed to say that I realised I give way too much of a shite what other people think, often making decisions because of what other people would think or say. Now I eyeball roll at how stupid I was but I believe it is because I am a sensitive soul that loves hard, sometimes too much for my own good putting other people and their feelings ahead of my own. My mind would often clock it at two-hundred miles an hour trying to make sense of things & make decisions thinking “Oh and what would that person think” and “Oh what would that person say” – How f**king stupid of me. Nobody else should have that kind of power over our minds, nobody else knows what is best for you, only you. In the last few months I’ve pushed myself to give less of a shit and to be honest I’m loving it. Less stress, more peace of mind, less over thinking & less bloody drama too. Over thinking is a big thing for me, I’m sure I’ve said it before, it was like an art of mine and may aswell have been on my CV as a skill. Overthinking can not be stopped,of course, but there are ways to get around it in baby steps, you just have to find a way that suits you. For anyone trying to find the courage inside to give less of a shit what people think my advice is this – yes it is tough to have a carefree attitude but I promise if you stick with it and just remember that you have a safe place, be it your room (like mine) or a beach or a friend’s house or whatever, you have a place to go away from the consequences and away from people to be alone with your thoughts to figure out your stuff.
Another valuable lesson I’ve learnt is that no matter how hard you may try or what you might do you just.cannot.please.everyone! There are those who you will go out of your way to do your best for, making the effort when you can even while having your own issues but it just isn’t enough. These people believe you are a full-time member of the Cirque Du Soleil squad and should be bending over backwards for them. When they want more and you can’t give it then you are the worst in the world. Ammmmmmmm no! Not worth it, not the time nor the effort or energy because why should you put your life on hold for someone who doesn’t appreciate your effort at all no matter how big or small a gesture?
Next on my learning list is the buzzword of the year – Meditation. Finding it hard to get into its groove but when I do it’s great. Friends recommended the app Headspace which to be honest I think I just like Andy Puddicombes voice but I do find it a very good app, even though I know it is hard to try find the time to squeeze it in but I have seen the zen effect it has had on people which is fantastic. Calmer, more go with the flow attitude. Trying to find a mantra can be super hard, but I figured that one of my ways dealing with the world is spending time by myself away from everyone & everything. Give me a good playlist, thirty minutes in the car & off I go to Doolin Pier back the coast – rain, hail, sleet, snow or sunshine I will go back at least once every two weeks to just sit and think while getting some fresh air.
Do you ever be scrolling through your Instagram or Facebook feed and see someone any your eyeballs do a 360 degree roll? Then why are you following them? I’m beginning to hit the remove, unfollow or mute button a lot more which I’m finding to be fantastic! Why in god’s name would I be following someone who I get annoyed just by seeing their name pop up or get an awful dose of green-eyed jelly belly? Should be following people who inspire us and make us smile or put a dent in a credit card LOL.
So yes, in the past year I’ve has a few mild break through moments that I’m still working towards to better myself, however I’m still none the wiser as to where I want to go, what I want to be. Which I think is okay, well, it’s okay for me 🙂 One thing I will say I can pass on from my break through moments is to do what you feel is right for yourself. Know your people and keep them close. Find a way to deal with your stuff & stick with what works for you!
“You know who is going to give you everything? Yourself…”