In previous posts I went on about how looking after yourself was a number one priority & how it is so important……etc etc etc. I wont lie guys, when writing those I had done so either in the moment or with very good intentions of following my own advice – which I never did! Remember though….. all with good intentions. I realised in the last two to three months that I constantly put others before myself – setting myself on fire to keep others warm is the best comparison I have seen to date, that’s why I loved doing the blog posts advising people what was best to take care of themselves. Anyways my point is I wasn’t bullshitting anyone with my posts I just never took my own advice!
So, in the last three months it has been what can only be described as an educational rollercoaster. Anyone that knows me knows that I have always gave a shite about what other people thought and that has been the biggest hurdle for me to jump along with getting used to my own company. Why do I care so much about what other people think? Honestly I couldn’t tell you. I now feel that some of my past decisions were off the back of what other people thought or said about the situation when it wasn’t even theirs & I feel somewhat naïve to have let someone else’s opinion have such an influence on me or my decision-making. In time you realise, like I have, who serves a positive purpose in your life & who doesn’t, you figure out what food makes you feel unreal & what foods you should cut back on, the smells that calm you & the places that wipe your mind clear and you leave with a clearer mind or better mood. I am really learning to appreciate all these good people, food & places. Now I am not telling you to quit your job the minute your boss pisses you off on an already bad enough day, no, I said it before and I’ll say it again, find your niche, your thing that makes you feel good about yoself!
Learning to go at my own pace has been the best lesson ever, for ages I felt like I always had to be going, off on the roads, calling here for tea or there for coffee, now I am more than happy to be in my own company at home with my own comforts or in the car driving away blaring some genre of music that fits the mood. I am also binging on the Salvatore Brothers on Netflix at the moment (drool). Taking care of myself, such as brushing my hair (properly) in the morning and before I go to bed, to washing my face & jade rolling the crap out of it & moisturising like it’s a religion and I am now prone to a litre of lemon water (freshly done in the morning) because I honestly don’t have a clue who I think I am haha! But anyways, doing all these things has made me feel somewhat better in myself. While they’re only small things, they help. Also, getting ready nearly two hours before I go out is definitely worth it, I do not know how or why I ever got ready in under an hour before, my make up comes out better, my outfit fits better – I look & feel better.
It appears to be a fierce learning curve to try “figure out your place in the world” and what makes me happy, in recent months I made a few extremely difficult decisions that didn’t just affect me but affected others. Making the decision to put myself & my mindset first shouldn’t have been such a difficult bullet to bite but it was what I had to do for myself & I had to overcome that difficulty. While overcoming these difficulties I realised what a good bunch of friends I have around me, I’ve done a few blog posts on what it means to have a good group of pals in your life & mine have done nothing but prove just how good they are. They’ve listened to me cry, scream, laugh, kick, talk, jump to conclusions, question myself, drunken rants & so on, to still be there at the other end of it all. I now fully appreciate a half hour drive at eight at night listening to 90s throwback hits absolutely squawking along with it. You realise the importance of checking on a friend when it’s done to you, a simple “have a good day keep the head up” text or calling for a chat, collecting someone for a coffee or just to get out of the house for a while.
Burning & building bridges is another thing I am trying to do, be it a good friend and I fell out for no apparent reason or over something silly – if you want to build the bridge why not be the person to make the first move? What’s the worst that can happen? They can either tell you to get lost or approach the bridge with you but at least you can always say you tried. Always know it is admirable to take the first step to either building a bridge, sometimes even if you have to burn a bridge for your own sake, be confident in the fact that you are doing so for your own sake or reasoning. I think everyone has a period in their life where they burn or build with people in or out of their life. You know who is worth it & who isn’t and sometimes you just realise you are trying to save a bridge already up in flames! However you decide to handle that is your decision, but again, be confident in the fact that it is your decision.
There have been many evenings where I have left work & come home only to crawl into bed to cry or curl up, there have been days where I have totally isolated myself not wanting to talk to anyone – there is one thing that is the key to everything. MUSIC. I have always loved music, in the last six months it has played a major part in my life. To put on your earphones or plug it into a HI-FI or blare it in the car, whatever song you listen to can alter your mood and I never appreciated that until now. If I’m on a low energy slump, I switch on Queen because, why not. If I am feeling sad it could be Coldplay. Felling angry it’s definitely some sort of rap music. Getting ready to go out could be anything under the sun. A friend and I who used to work together share a mutual love for music, we used to send each other songs (we still do on occasion) and we both said it that music is the key to everything. I can go from being curled up in the bed on said sad evening crying to dancing around the room cleaning it in the space of a half an hour just because of one song. No matter what your taste is in music, no matter the circumstance in life, there is a song or genre out there that will have the ability to flip your mood, I promise! You just got to listen. Music connects everyone one way or another.
So with all these mood swings, life occurrences & bridge burning/building I haven’t had much time to sit down and write or do anything for that matter since Christmas, there has been a lot going on so I am only catching up with my goals for 2019 now! I am back writing my novel, again, for the third attempt – fingers crossed. I am also reconsidering doing my own podcast – alongside the one for the local newspaper. I am going to aim to come back & try write a blog post once every two weeks perhaps! I do miss my WordPress fam!
So, I guess what this blog post has been was a quick down load on WTF has been going on in my life and how I am finally taking my own advice, if you’re like me and you’re good to give it but not follow it, stop and take a step back and listen to yourself.
“Put yourself at the top of your to do list every day & the rest will fall into place”